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Narcissists are pathological liars who deceive you, make you question your sanity and slowly destroy you. Here is a list of the four most common lies narcissists tell:
1. “I love you.”
Narcissists fall in love. They long for love and care, but when they find someone who is willing to love them, they reject genuine love and connection. This happens because narcissists lack what is known as “whole object relations,” which means they struggle to see another person as separate from themselves and recognise that the person has both good and bad qualities.
Narcissists feel in love at the beginning of a relationship, during the idealization and love-bombing stage. However, they soon become bored because their feelings are superficial and they lack empathy. Narcissists also have an intense need to feel superior to their partner. At the same time, they set excessively high standards for their partner and subject them to harsh criticism.
Inevitably, they begin to devalue their partner until the time comes for rejection. At that point, they turn their attention to the shiny, new person they have already found and begin the cycle of narcissistic abuse with a new victim.
However, rejection does not necessarily mean they will end the relationship. They often keep the partner they have rejected if the situation serves their plans and the image they want to present to society.
2. “I never lie.”
This is another common narcissistic lie. Because narcissists see themselves as being above society’s rules and lack a sense of morality, they can feel completely comfortable with lying and deception. In fact, narcissists lie constantly, and sooner or later their victims realise what is happening.
But the worst part is that narcissists believe their own lies. They define reality according to how they feel. When you combine this with a sense of unlimited power, you have someone who feels entitled to create their own reality and impose it on you.
Facts mean nothing to them. The truth does not matter. They will tell you what happened, and that is how it is because they are the ones saying it. It is not a lie if they say it. This means that if you question what they are telling you, they may respond with narcissistic rage.
The longer you remain close to them, the more you begin to sink into their distorted, false universe.
Never trust a person without seeing actions that prove they are worthy of your trust.
3. “My ex was toxic.”
The truth is that the narcissist abused and betrayed their ex. This means their former partner saw behind the narcissist's mask, so the time came for the narcissist to get rid of her.
However, the narcissist may continue communicating with their ex and monitoring her to see whether they still affect her and whether they can bring her back under their control.
Of course, the narcissist will present themselves to you as the innocent victim. They will act as though they have been deeply hurt so that you will feel sorry for them, want to take care of them and help heal their wounds. Meanwhile, their exes may be suffering from trauma bonding, betrayal and a loss of self-esteem as they struggle to heal from what they experienced.
As you can imagine, it is better to run. If you stay long enough, you may discover that this is the person who causes pain to their partners and takes great pleasure in making other people suffer, betraying them and traumatising them.
4. “I used to sleep with lots of women, but I want to settle down with you.”
During the love-bombing stage, the narcissist will say anything to gain their victim's trust. What they really want is to have sex as quickly as possible.
To achieve this goal, they pretend that you have a future together, a tactic known as “future-faking.” This means selling you a vision of the perfect life with them. At the beginning of the relationship, they may tell you that you will stay together or get married. They may promise that you will travel and live a luxurious life together.
Because narcissists are excellent actors, they will try to convince you that although they are irresistible and have had many relationships, you are the chosen one. You are different from the others. You are the person they have been searching for their entire life, and they will settle down with you forever.
The truth, however, is that all they want is to use and abuse you. And they will never change.
The only truth is that narcissists lie constantly.
They also project their mistakes and serious problems onto you. They will never admit that they are lying, even when you have strong evidence. The brainwashing and gaslighting* they subject you to can fill you with guilt and shame.
Eventually, you may find yourself no longer sure who you are.
Cut ties with the narcissist in your life if you want to reconnect with reality.
I know what you will say: “Easy to say, difficult to do!” You see, trauma bonding is difficult to break.
But you can find the support and help you need from a therapist who specializes in narcissism and recovery from narcissistic abuse.
*Gaslighting: An international term, pronounced “gas-lighting,” for a method of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to plant doubts in the victim's mind so that they become uncertain about their own memory, perception and reasoning. This is achieved through constant denial, deception, contradictions and lies designed to destabilize the victim and undermine their beliefs.
Efi Mesitidou
Psychologist, Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy Trainee
Certified Clinical Training in Narcissistic Abuse Therapy with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a specialist in narcissism
Online sessions
Tel. +30 694 630 9367
efimesitidou@gmail.com
