Onasagoras
"Now is not the time for blame," declared the Minister of Justice and Public Order, Marios Hartsiotis. But when has it ever been? The clocks in this country are broken and stuck permanently on "Time to Dodge Responsibility." And thank the Almighty, we've become absolute pros at it.
The man in charge of coordinating the wildfire response plan, Andreas Grigoriou, is currently in Australia. He flew off to the land of kangaroos to represent the President at various events. Because who could have possibly guessed that we might have fires in Cyprus... in July? Usually, this time of year, our island is cool and lush. You know, like we say: “in a green pasture, in a place of rest.” The kind of place we’ll all end up one day, finally free from the absurdities of this nation.
Rumor has it that after this latest disaster, the government has found the solution, and it’s the classic Cypriot go-to: the creation of yet another deputy ministry. So more people can be, well, accommodated. Sorry, I meant, so we can mint more saviors to rescue us from the incompetence of our existing saviors.
We’re clearly following in Greece’s footsteps, giving it a local twist by pairing it with one of EDEK’s catchiest slogans: Every home a fortress, every home a deputy ministry. There's money, and if there isn’t, we’ll organize a fundraiser. After all, a few of the immediate needs of the fire victims were covered by public donations. See, the people of Cyprus, unlike many of those in charge, actually have hearts.
As for the Cyprus Energy Regulatory Authority (CERA), let’s not pretend it’s some kind of saint. It holds major responsibility for the fact that the Electricity Authority of Cyprus (EAC) is still operating, in key ways, like it’s the 19th century (see: burning fuel oil). But in its feud with Greece's Independent Power Transmission Operator (IPTO) over the infamous undersea cable, it’s painfully clear CERA has a point. When the time came for IPTO to pay the first installment (from our pockets, of course), they were scrambling last-minute to submit receipts. Now, I don’t want to sound cynical and imply any invoice doctoring, but let’s be honest. Some suspicious minds out there might just think it.
And then there’s the tragicomic punchline: the claim that certain payments “won’t come from consumers, but from the state treasury.” Which genius dreamed up that divine piece of nonsense? As if the state treasury isn’t, in fact, money from consumers in the first place. Look, clever spin is one thing, but this is pushing it. Let’s not take people for fools.
