Onasagoras
"The game is starting, leave me alone now, the time has come, the game is starting. Nobody move, be quiet, the game is starting."
This song by Greek singer-songwriter Lakis Chalkiadakis has been spinning around in my head these days, and it has nothing to do only with the big World Cup final. Preparations have also begun for the other major derby: Sunday’s chaos — I mean Sunday’s 2028 elections.
Take your positions, and take your precautions too, so you don’t end up catching a stray bullet.
Those of you who think you have seen hard fouls during the World Cup should prepare yourselves. In the months ahead, you are going to witness fouls that will make the kicks Messi received look like romantic caresses.
I said Messi and immediately remembered those “below-the-belt” hits.
We are talking about a proper street fight, where there are no rules and every punch is allowed. Someone once said that if Machiavelli could watch the Cypriot political scene, he would be extremely proud, because we have taken his famous phrase — “the end justifies the means” — to an entirely different level.
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The first unofficial discussions have already started within AKEL about its 2028 presidential candidate, and my black spy van has information hotter than this year’s French heatwave.
Gather around and I’ll drop a bombshell: Andreas Mavroyiannis’ name has been put on the table, but there are serious objections from the party grassroots. (Apparently, they have not forgiven him for the support he gave President Anastasiades over Crans Montana.)
Meanwhile, another name appears — at least for now — to be gaining ground.
As for any other names, don’t expect them to leak publicly anytime soon. Not until the Supreme Soviet — or at least the Central Committee — makes the decision.
As one AKEL comrade told me:
"Democracy is good, but it has its limits, just like patience!"
He added that they are "watching their clothes carefully so they can keep half of them," reminding me that Irene’s calls for greater transparency had eventually threatened the peace inside the party.
Peace be with you, Secretaries-General and Pharisees of Alma.
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In the next reshuffle, three will leave: the following two, and Maria.
The government spokesman, however, almost burst into tears of complaint when he told us:
"Since she submitted a request for appointment in education..."
More or less presenting it as her own decision.
Rumour has it that when the President meets her, he will look surprised and say:
"But you’re leaving, Maria?"
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Police investigators will join the independent criminal investigators examining the so-called “mafia state” case.
Let’s hope they were brought in to help them — and not, as the malicious tongues claim, to steer them.
Because, let’s be honest, our Police Force has somehow lost its public credibility and will have to work very hard to regain its damaged reputation.
And if it is tired of working, let it get overtime pay, Mr Loizides.
After all, in the Cypriot public service, overtime is famously the cure for every illness and every stupidity.
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The government was enthusiastic about the appointment of Fito, believing he will help restart negotiations.
The Hill — and whoever happens to live there at any given time — has a certain obsession with negotiations.
The more negotiations, the better.
The more the merrier, as we say in my village.
Except that endless talks also cement the realities created on the ground.
And the malicious ones accuse certain government coalition figures — names will not be mentioned, reputations will not be harmed — of seeking exactly that: the permanent consolidation of those realities.
We shall see.
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I don’t know how we managed it, but in this country many people are paying sewage fees without actually having a sewage system.
Somewhere, this reminded me of the prophecies of Paisios:
"You will have a sewage system, but it will be as if you don’t have one."
And also several of the predictions of the Oracle of Delphi:
"You will go and you will return, but you will not… defecate."*
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(*Note: This joke is a play on the famous Greek phrase “ήξεις αφήξεις” — a deliberately ambiguous prophecy meaning “you will go, you will return,” which Onasagoras twists into a crude sewage pun.)
