Onasagoras
“I don’t concern myself with what a 'Turkish' ambassador says,” former President Nicos Anastasiades quipped, brushing off ex-U.S. Ambassador John Koenig’s reported remark that he considered him “a fraud.” Minor detail: Koenig speaks fluent Greek and is married to Greek-born Natalie, so the label “Turkish” might be a tad... dramatic.
Their fallout is the stuff of Cypriot urban legend. According to intel folklore, Koenig once called Anastasiades a “drunk”—possibly joking, possibly not, definitely not diplomatic. And since the Cyprus Intelligence Service at the time didn’t exactly “filter” the info, Anastasiades, upon hearing it, reportedly hurled ashtrays down from the Presidential Hill to the Kykkos Monastery. The rest, as they say, is history.
The current President’s May Day message was overflowing with promises to workers and pensioners. And we certainly believe he’ll fight for them—after all, he belongs to the rare, elite group of people who are both public employees and pensioners. Two for the price of one. God bless him.
Meanwhile, a ''third'' candidate has emerged for EDEK’s party presidency, with two more considering a run. One more for the boat. At this rate, EDEK will soon have more candidates than voters.
Then there’s Irini—peace for Cyprus, but clearly not for AKEL—Charalambidou, heading to the Audit Committee to find out who’s to blame for the tragic water shortage. The President, for his part, has promised 15,000 cubic metres of desalinated water a day from the UAE. Not exactly a flood, but if we manage it wisely, we might stay hydrated—this year, at least. As my grandmother used to say, “May the worthy live to see the next.”
We must also take a moment to empathise with fuel companies, who suffer from chronic bad luck. When prices drop globally, they’ve (just) stocked up at higher prices. When prices rise? Tragically, they’re all out and must rush to buy. Some people are just born unlucky.
To mark Cyprus’s EU accession anniversary, the President shared a video tribute. Oddly, there were no photos of Glafcos Clerides, Tassos Papadopoulos, George Vassiliou, or even Costas Simitis. Thankfully, there were seven photos of a youthful, moustache-free Nikos Christodoulides. Good times.
There’s also a new training programme for public servants to help them better follow the Code of Conduct. Wow. As a long-suffering citizen, I don’t expect miracles. I’d just be happy if AI robots don’t unionise—so at least they might answer the phone. Just that. Nothing else.
Some 170,000 unpaid traffic fines from speed cameras are still sitting around. Which means just about every household in Cyprus has at least one. We may have failed to achieve the dream of “a castle for every home,” but we have nailed “a fine for every family.”
Lastly, legislative changes that could restrict press freedom are part of why Cyprus dropped 12 spots to 77th on the World Press Freedom Index by Reporters Without Borders. As the British poet Matthew Arnold once put it: “Journalism is literature in a hurry.” Often under unbearable pressure.
A small request to RIK’s news department: if once in a while you say “the government” instead of “Nikos Christodoulides’ government,” we’ll still know who you mean. Trust me.
*This article was translated from its Greek original
