Onasagoras
Guterres is in Cyprus. Hallelujah. Should we celebrate or mourn? Or perhaps do both, just to cover all the bases?
His first pledge is to help find a comprehensive and lasting solution to the Cyprus problem. Uh-oh. What exactly does that mean?
First of all, whenever we hear anyone say "I commit"—or any variation of the word—a chill runs straight down our spine. Second, what kind of solution could possibly satisfy both Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots when we Greek Cypriots can't even agree among ourselves on what we actually want?
In any case, despite Little Nikos' "optimism," I'm personally keeping my expectations low. How low? About the size of a thimble.
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Meanwhile, Mylonas' name is once again being floated for a ministerial post, and honestly, he'd fit perfectly into the Christodoulides government. What could be more appropriate for a Cabinet that already includes some of the country's most hardline rejectionists?
Not even ELAM leader Christou would have put together such a rejectionist Cabinet—he'd at least have tried to keep up appearances.
Meanwhile, we have a president who never misses a chance to say we "must continue from where we left off at Crans-Montana." So what better symbolic message than appointing someone who believes Crans-Montana was a complete disaster and that we did the right thing by running away from it? F_ck logic, as we say back in my village.
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But the weirdness doesn't stop there.
While Little Nikos is telling the European Union and the United Nations that Cyprus wants a bizonal, bicommunal federation, we haven't heard a peep from coalition partner DIKO—or from the unofficial-but-very-much-governing ELAM—both of which advocate the exact opposite.
Remember that old Anna Vissi hit? Schizophrenia.
Wouldn't that make the perfect new national anthem?
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And in the middle of dramatic developments on the Cyprus issue, wildfires, heatwaves, famine, earthquakes, and biblical disasters, we finally got the answer to the hottest question of the year.
Who exactly was our national developer talking about when he famously said, "He is like my girlfriend"?
Brace yourselves so you don't fall off your chair.
It turns out our national "girlfriend" wasn't the president after all—thank God, I don't think I could have handled that—but former energy minister Giorgos Papanastasiou.
And if this latest version doesn't sound particularly convincing to you, just chalk it up to 'faflatismoi' and hot air.
Paschalides, you absolute legend—you've left us with a line that will live forever.
Respect.
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I was driving through the mountains—yes, the ones we burned down last year—when I heard the community leader of Agia Anna calling for the arrest of both the defense minister and the president over yesterday's wildfire.
Now, they certainly bear their share of responsibility, but arresting them over it? Let's not get carried away.
I completely understand the community leader's—and the residents'—anger. It's justified. But let's not turn ourselves into the land of endless exaggeration.
Let's wait for the investigation to conclude. And let's all pray Paschalides isn't put in charge of this one too; otherwise we may end up with yet another round of... 'faflatismoi'.
Still, you can't help wondering just how much of a "projectile" the people were who decided to destroy projectiles in the middle of a heatwave, at the height of a Cypriot summer.
Some situations leave you speechless, wondering how we've managed to survive this long on nothing more than pure luck.
Then again, let's look on the bright side.
As Diplaros would probably say, it's a good thing we burned almost everything down last year—this year there's less left to catch fire.
