Onasagoras
We are living through pathological situations. So what could be more logical than asking for help from a doctor? Preferably, of course, a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, since Mikellidis has passed away, I found myself carefully reading the findings of another well-known doctor, forensic pathologist Marios Matsakis.
Our national “autopsy specialist,” who, despite never properly serving his military service, still likes to dress in commando fatigues out of sheer love for the armed forces, has now ruled that everything is a conspiracy by our enemies and that the video is a complete creation of artificial intelligence! Add as many exclamation marks as you like; it still won’t be enough.
Thank goodness we still have artificial intelligence, because after listening to the conversations in the video and to some laughable attempts to justify the unjustifiable, it’s obvious that on our poor little island, natural intelligence has committed suicide. Artificial Intelligence vs. Natural Stupidity: score it 2–0.
Our beloved forensic doctor was spectacularly contradicted by one of the protagonists of the video himself, who more or less admitted that the video is entirely authentic while insisting it is a product of editing. But then again, every news bulletin is also a product of editing. In short, “edited” does not, under any circumstances, mean fake. This needs to be underlined, because among tricksters, sincerity always comes first.
We are therefore reliving moments of déjà vu that strongly resemble what we experienced with the now-legendary Al Jazeera video. In some ways, things are even worse this time: back then, the shadows reached the Speaker of Parliament; now they touch the President of the Republic and members of his family. Naturally, let us stress that everyone is innocent until proven otherwise. So don’t ask me too many questions, unless you want the devil to take you. Wow. Déjà vu in its purest form.
As expected, the opposition party, through Stefanos, demanded a full investigation into what is hinted at in the video’s conversations, warning that it will return to the issue. The same demand came from the once-“responsible” opposition, with Annita calling for full transparency. What might once have been surprising, but no longer is, is that the loudest calls for investigation are coming from within the governing coalition itself, and specifically from, yes, you guessed it, our national prince. If the new τάτσα didn’t exist, we would have had to invent it.
The president, meanwhile, caught up in the excitement and celebrations over the EU presidency, apparently couldn’t find the time to comment on the video, even hours after its release and the political earthquake it triggered. Instead, we received an intervention from the motherland, courtesy of Stefanos Kasselakis (where had that soul disappeared to?), who declared that Christodoulides’ resignation is a one-way street. One-way, huh? Thank goodness it’s not a roundabout. We are now awaiting a statement from Tyler as well.
The government spokesperson did not disappoint, offering a truly inventive response. The Republic of Cyprus, he said, is under “hybrid warfare.” Boom, and we’re done. After the fashion of hybrid cars, we’ve now embraced hybrid wars as well. But the guards are vigilant. Because obviously everything is being staged by the finger of enemies of the homeland, most likely Russian or Turkish, or perhaps from those who envy us because we are sexy and “pelousioi.”
Our message to these hybrid enemies is crystal clear: they can take their finger and put it where they know best. That is to say, right on the nail.
*Read the Greek version here.
