Onasagoras
The viral photo of the week showing Americans posing proudly in front of a… sad little plate of sausage pies sparked plenty of commentary. “Where’s the traditional Cypriot hospitality?” lamented someone on social media. Meanwhile, a portly, and very hungry, American asked, “Where’s the ofto kleftiko?” Maybe the catering coordinator was vacationing in Australia? Rumor has it the ATF agents on site were shouting “WTF” when they saw the illegal dumpsites in Mallia, pulling their hair out, if they had any left.
Speaking of Americans, another team is on its way to Cyprus soon. No, not Inter Miami with Messi, but a new crew focusing on the police and civil defense. What’s next, a third team to investigate little Giannakis? Maybe one for the desalination plants? At this rate, we might as well hand them the keys to the country and quietly retire to Hawaii.
As you may know, Giannakis studied at an American university, specifically, San Diego. Among his courses was the charmingly prophetic “Hollywood Behind Bars,” about celebrities in jail. Funny how relevant that sounds nowadays. On a serious note, we’re now crawling with little Americans here, and I wouldn’t be surprised if soon AKEL organizes a protest outside the Presidential Palace, shouting the classic 1970s chant: “Americans, murderers of the people.” Ah, nostalgia.
After exhaustive investigations, the police and Mr. Hartsiotis found no signs of arson, bad news for those hunting scapegoats. Gossip has it certain circles pressured the President to bring in the Americans, because if they found even a hint of arson, it would muddy the waters of responsibility and serve the narrative of the unofficial co-rulers. I don’t buy it.
Meanwhile, the leadership on Pindaros Street played firefighter after public spats between Michalis Ioannidis and Petros Dimitriou. Let’s hope their firefighting skills prove better than those of state services, otherwise, I foresee the DISY party ending up with third-degree burns and looking like a charred zucchini. Annita, grab the hose, or better yet, a Canadair, and start putting out those fires!
The line of ultimate honesty and self-deprecation comes from fire coordinator Andreas Grigoriou, who was in Australia when he said with natural ease, “Even if I were here, nothing would change.” I have no reason to doubt him, dear sir. The Americans who came to pull the coals from the fire would probably agree...pun intended.
Meanwhile, the famous TikToker and former cop who campaigned against drugs was arrested by police on suspicion of trafficking large amounts of cocaine. Wait, what? Campaigning against drugs while running the supply? In a chat, he reportedly said, “I have a deal to make €5,000 a month with a Cypriot woman to run her business.” Who’s this Cypriot lady, and what business exactly? With that salary, I’m sending her my CV.
Then there was a 50-person brawl with clubs in Limassol. Cyprus already holds the Guinness record for the most glasses balanced on a head during a dance. I think it’s time they recognize us for the most club-wielding fighters in a brawl. And the most masked people in a monastery. And the most officials conveniently absent when responsibility calls.
Do I have to think of all this alone? Cheers!
