Onasagoras
What a week. Arrest the wrong suspect for murder? Check. Arrest a prison visitor by mistake? Check again, and this one is going straight into the hall of fame for epic blunders. It even tops the time a heavily-guarded convict went out for beers and simply disappeared. Honestly, what are we living through here? Police Academy, Cypriot edition, and somehow even funnier?
The standout statement of the week? Our national clown telling us we should have lots of sex to make lots of children or risk… turning into mush. Yes, “mush.” From the verb liganísko. Translation: “Come on, darling, let’s make another Greek, or else Greeks, and our Greek, will turn to goo.” Rest in peace, Greek language.
One thing’s for sure: pregnancies will be more reliably “caught” than anything the police manage. Personally, I see a police van and I run for cover—wouldn’t want to be arrested by mistake.
Meanwhile, King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his princely title. Long live the King, but really, bro? Such a public humiliation for your own brother? At least we don’t have a king anymor, since Makarios passed away, so no one can take away Nikolas Papadopoulos’s title as our national prince. Tough times for princes, sure, especially in 2026, but ours remains eternally optimistic.
While the cold stubbornly refuses to arrive in Cyprus, Parliament heated up, with Annita demanding they cut Andreas Themistocleous’s microphone. He, of course, kept shouting into silence until he strained his voice into oblivion. Next time, he should bring a megaphone. Problem solved.
The appointment of new general directors in the Public Service caused a stir: most are considered “the President’s people,” or, as the movie says, All the President’s Men. Isn’t that basically tradition here? Sure, Cyprus is changing, but not that fast.
In a shocking turn of tech news, a convict allegedly approved via video call the purchase of the motorcycle used in the Limassol murder. Color, brand, specs, all done remotely. At least Cypriot convicts have high-speed internet now, right?
On the political front: Erhürman wants a bizonal, bicommunal federation (BDF) solution. Christodoulides says he wants one too. The national cousin claims the President confided he doesn’t. DIKO wants a BDF solution, but only with the right “content,” which probably means they don’t want it. EDEK wants nothing, but might not exist by the time a solution emerges. DISY is torn, one foot at the Pride parade, the other in Grivas’s hideout. AKEL is still shouting No to cement a future Yes. Cement prices are up too. Greece says, “We’ll decide when we know what we want,” and cheerfully supports from the sidelines. And our national clown? Declares he’s clueless. What a fine mess we have.
Finally, a little history lesson: ten years ago, the big political anxiety and headlines were all about whether Yiannakis Yiannaki would withdraw as a parliamentary candidate in Larnaca. In the end, Annita Demetriou, the Instagrammer of our hearts, took the spot, and as they say in my village, the rest is history.
