Onasagoras
On Friday, February 14th, President of Cyprus called for an emergency Cabinet meeting. Naturally, many assumed it was to discuss Valentine’s Day – flowers, chocolates, etc. – but to their disappointment, the topic was far less romantic: gas agreements with Egypt. Cue the collective sigh.
The 4th Flag Army: A Nation’s Worthy Paramilitary
Every country, of course, has the "shadowy" organization it deserves. So, it wasn’t a surprise when we discovered that our very own “terrorists” are out here waving flags, making TikToks, and acting completely normal – you know, just casually evading arrest. But fear not! The President reassured us all that we are completely safe, so we can rest easy. Meanwhile, we eagerly wait to see what happens with the President's "iconic" proposal (his words) for women's voluntary military service.
Will we see an army full of Amazonian women transforming us into the Mediterranean’s new superpower? Or will the enthusiasm be comparable to the excitement over free bus tickets for those whose cars were immobilized sue to airbag issues? (As of now, eight people have expressed interest in the free tickets.) When it comes to military enlistment, the interest, however, is... considerably lower.
Government's “Generous” Fix for Multiple Pensions
After numerous delays, the government promised to address the scandal of state officials collecting multiple pensions. Their brilliant solution? Replace pensions with a one-time generous "tip." Yes, a tip – because why fix a problem when you can make it worse? In Cyprus, naturally, we’ve taken the approach of "we’ll make it better by making it bigger!"
AKEL's 100th Anniversary Logo Contest
In an unrelated but equally intriguing move, the former red-turned-rosé Communist Party is holding a logo contest to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Communist Party of Cyprus (AKEL). There’s a cash prize, in Soviet rubles, naturally. But don’t worry, comrades; they despise capitalism... except when it comes to the profits from the party's company, of course.
The 'Coincidence' of Global Politics
The day the Pakistani Prime Minister expressed support for Turkish positions on Cyprus, our very own Averof was hopping into a cab in New York. The Pakistani driver, it turns out, had voted for Trump to prevent more Pakistanis from entering the US. Talk about a devilish coincidence! Kind of like when my Indian delivery guy swore he'd vote for Hamboulla. Meanwhile, Trump is subjecting Europe and Zelenskyy to an alternating hot-and-cold shower. What once seemed like a guarantee of US support under Biden’s presidency now seems uncertain, with the unpredictable Trump and his even more unpredictable partners (read: Elon Musk) threatening to cut off aid. We should learn just how fast and dramatically international alliances can change, so we don’t face an unexpected cold shower ourselves in the future.
Critical Moment for Cyprus
We’re at a pivotal and critical moment for Cyprus, declared both our national Instagrammer (Annita) and our national prince (Nicolas Papadopoulos). Yes, we’ve all heard this phrase countless times, but this time, it seems we may actually be facing a dramatic reality. Is the time finally upon us? As Sakis Rouvas once sang, "Now the hard part begins." Or as we like to say, “Now let’s see what happens next.” The time for big decisions is here, or maybe it isn’t. Only time will tell.
And Finally, The Trial of Giannakis
As the deadline for Giannakis' trial approaches, it seems he's gotten another extension. Fingers crossed, maybe after the extension, we’ll finally get to penalties.
