Onasagoras
The mayor of Limassol has expressed concerns over the ''Pay As You Throw" program. Oh, for heaven’s sake. Personally, I believe Limassolians should pay double what everyone else pays—and without complaints. Why? Well, as Anastasiades clearly told us: Limassol is soaring! If you're soaring, then pay for it—and stop whining.
What exactly is the President supposed to do? Order more accidents and heart attacks to boost private ambulance revenues? Let’s draw the line somewhere.
"He was quiet, he didn’t express himself, and I thought he was humble," Archbishop Georgios said about the Bishop of Paphos, Tychikos, who suddenly emerged as a Christian Taliban. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Averof said something similar about Christodoulides: "He was quiet, he didn’t express himself, and I thought he was supporting me."
"How could I be Elon Musk’s Trojan Horse without knowing it?" mused Fidias Panayiotou, moments before trotting off while neighing and wagging his wooden tail. Honestly, I tend to believe Fidias—because if he were that close to Musk, he'd definitely have been invited to Trump’s inauguration. Meanwhile, it seems ELAM’s Geadis scored an honorary invitation, posing for a photo with the Capitol in the background.
I don’t believe the malicious gossip claiming Geadis took that photo from a tourist spot just for show. In fact, I’m pretty sure I caught a glimpse of him behind Melania’s hat in one shot. Speaking of that infamous hat, it stole the spotlight, with American media comparing it to something Michael Jackson wore in a music video—only to ultimately agree that nobody rocked it better than Lakis Gavalas. Gavalas—and Themisto—cleous—were among the celebrities notably absent from the inauguration’s dazzling spectacle.
The President has described granting 17-year-olds the right to vote as a "historic" proposal. Starting with the next elections, 17-year-olds will now have the opportunity to ignore voting and head to the beach on Sunday instead. Truly, we are living through historic times.
The Consumers’ Association has flagged serious distortions in the prices of local bananas. Clearly, the "Banana Republic" label given to our country by the late, unforgettable Glafkos Clerides continues to haunt us. Thank goodness there’s no equivalent cartel for those beloved Chlora—kas cucumbers.
The Cyprus Private Ambulance Association has claimed they’re facing unfair competition (from whom exactly?) and has asked the President to intervene so they can get more jobs (!!!)—by which they presumably mean more incidents. I read this peculiar piece of news, which sounds oddly like a taxi drivers’ union statement, and try to make sense of it. What exactly is the President supposed to do? Order more accidents and heart attacks to boost private ambulance revenues? Let’s draw the line somewhere.
The Police blunders continued this week when a video of a high-security inmate making outrageous claims went viral. The guy gave a three-hour interview without anyone noticing! We clearly have the world’s most active prisoners: those who don’t escape stay in their cells and become viral influencers.
Guesting on a podcast by Fidias—of Styliana fame—was Stefanos Kasselakis, who claimed he was excluded from SYRIZA because he spoke out about black money in politics. Upon hearing this, Nikaros crossed himself, exclaiming in shock, "Imagine things like that happening elsewhere!"
And finally, Andreas Themistocleous’s new party is ready: the "Fighting National Movement." The "fighting" part, of course, comes from his love of rally cars. Meanwhile, young Nikos has decided to keep his distance—for now. But who knows, his cousin Sylvana might join instead.
