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12° Nicosia,
14 June, 2024
 
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Cyprus: Where pizza delivery outpaces the police, and hitmen deliver efficiently

Unofficial information sources report Hollywood interest and diplomatic coffeehouse wisdom

Onasagoras

Onasagoras

I read that after the two recent murders, there are fears of a vendetta and further bloodshed. But don't worry people. Our police have no such information, so we can all sleep soundly. As it's well-known, no criminal activity can occur in this place unless our police know about it in advance. In another development, Hollywood producers are considering filming the next Police Academy comedy here. In fact, my sources - accurate and timely - say that Netflix is closely watching us for inspiration.

"We live in a society where pizzas arrive faster than the police," the French director Chambrol once said. In Cyprus, it's something else. The hitmen arrive faster than anyone, they eat their pizza, carry out their hits, clean up, and disappear, all before the "information" that almost always comes late and sweating.

Hollywood producers are considering filming the next Police Academy comedy here. In fact, my sources - accurate and timely - say that Netflix is closely watching us for inspiration.

There is no information about a new bloodbath, said the Chief of Police. Of course, the last time there was such information, we accidentally gave it to the hitman over the phone. So much order, so much sophistication.

The most worrisome aspect of recent developments - based on unofficial information - is that a particularly ruthless element of foreign nationals, often portrayed as the executioners, seems to be establishing itself in the underworld's feuds, with all that implies. So, the only certainty is that if the police don't act promptly and decisively, they risk becoming spectators to the tragic events that will follow.

In other news, the Deputy Minister of Tourism declares a risk of losing the Israeli market if the war continues, in order to fulfill the adage, "oulli lesin tze polesin tzei o straos tzei poune."

Let's not forget, of course, that in a diametrically opposite reading of the situation, another minister talked about "opportunities that the war can create for us." A little empathy never hurt, my dear friends. Let's at least observe diplomatic formalities. Some developments should be studied in-depth without being publicly commented on. And some comments should stay where they belong, namely, in the coffeehouses.

[This opinion piece was translated from its Greek original and may not express the exact tone or nuance as it was written in its original language]

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Cyprus  |  crime  |  opinion

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