Onasagoras
While this column is mainly satirical and humorous, it has often been the first to reveal significant news, such as upcoming failures in the Larnaca marina and port projects and the Vasilikos terminal. How does Onasagoras manage this? Oh well, he has a little spy van and, as the saying goes, "From the young and the crazy, you learn the truth."
So, today’s big news: A new party is in the works. Period. Dash! Exclamation mark! And I’m not referring to Christoforos Tornaritis’ party with the catchy slogan “Sicko Pano Re,” but something with far more serious implications.
The groundwork has begun for a new party led by President Nikos Christodoulides. Last week, supporters of the President, who are on the ‘blacklist’ but not yet 'utilized,' met in a suburban Nicosia house. The meeting was kept more secret than the creation of the Friendly Society in Odessa in 1815. Unfortunately, they didn’t anticipate that my black spy van was parked nearby.
Several serious issues and questions arose: Will it be a Movement or a Party? What will it be called? (Never Surrender is taken and Clearly isn’t catchy enough.) And how will it be presented to avoid causing significant discomfort and backlash from the coalition parties, especially after the President’s clear commitment not to form a new party? Could a new party isolate the President further, undermining his chances for a second term?
These and other concerns occupied the minds behind the initiative while the Government contemplates whether to ignore or deny the rumors spreading through Nicosia with the speed of a fiery wind.
Meanwhile, unshaven Nikos compared our country's corruption to gangrene with a reputation akin to Mexico’s organized crime. The Mexican Embassy strongly objected, saying any comparison to Cyprus is offensive.
Regarding the new unacceptable incidents in Limassol, the Justice Minister and President have called on the Cyprus Football Association (CFA) to stop hiding from its responsibilities. The public is also urging the political leadership and the Police to stop shirking their responsibilities. There are many heavy and unbearable responsibilities, and everyone is pointing fingers without anyone having the necessary stature for self-criticism.
We close today’s column with the optimistic news of the day. Despite the domestic mess, we’re doing exceptionally well with Guinness World Records. After recently breaking the record for the most glasses on a dancer’s head, last week we broke the record for the largest koupepi. Yes, you heard it right, we made a koupepi 7 meters long in Avdimou. I don’t know what cutlery is needed to eat such a gigantic koupepi, but hearing about it filled me with national pride, and I shouted, “For Cyprus, damn it!”
