Onasagoras
The hunters who blocked the highway to roast meat and inconvenience thousands of citizens won’t be investigated for any offense. If I said I was surprised, I’d be lying. As for our Police, who were supposedly “furious” at the time, they’ve apparently calmed down and now see no wrongdoing whatsoever. All good, all rosy.
So, dear reader, next time you have a complaint, just block the roads. Go on...you can do it. And if you happen to belong to the hunters’ party (which, coincidentally, backed Christodoulides), you might even get bonus points. As former House Speaker Syllouris, whose recent handshake with the President raised plenty of eyebrows, once said, "This is Cyprus!".
Presidential vibes: Smooth flights, rocky outlooks
“I’ll do everything possible.” “We won’t give up.” These and other inspirational gems from the President pretty much signal the dead end we’re heading toward on the Cyprus problem, just as I predicted ages ago. But hey, at least we had fun with all the traveling! And let’s not forget the comforting words from our national cousin who once reassured us that “the President is a rock.” Of course, when he says he’s working for a bizonal, bicommunal solution or to pick up where things left off in Crans-Montana, he doesn’t actually mean it. A rock, then. Like a rock, I count my sorrows... and suffer.
Dry taps, wet bills
I read that the water crisis is bringing salty bills...literally. And I think to myself, if we already have the most expensive electricity in Europe, and now we're adding overpriced water, we’re officially breaking records in bad luck and bad policy. On the bright side? We’ll be even less attractive to migrants of all kinds. I mean, how long can someone go unwashed? Eventually, they’ll have to leave. Another genius move toward solving the migration issue!
Phone number or dead line?
The Department of Road Transport announced a phone line for people concerned about defective TAKATA airbags. Except, folks have been calling for days, and no one’s picking up. A local news site covered it as actual news, saying they’d been trying for three days with no response. But come on, what are three days in the grand scheme of eternity? In fact, the real news would’ve been if someone had answered. Here’s hoping the AI robots eventually hired into the public sector will answer the phone and at least pretend to be human.
When Spain steps up and we...don’t
And finally, a Spanish socialist MEP managed to push through a resolution condemning Erdoğan’s visit to occupied Cyprus, somewhat saving face after Geadis’s botched and uncoordinated proposal got shot down. So maybe, since the “blond race of the North” is otherwise occupied, it’ll be the Spaniards who save us, at least when it comes to symbolic resolutions. Should we start searching for prophecies that speak of a dark-haired Western race rescuing us instead? Or maybe… we’re just beyond saving. Food for thought.
*This article was translated from its Greek original
