Onasagoras
"I want to lead a saintly life, but the devil won’t let me," was a saying my late grandmother often repeated. I recall it every time I’m scandalized by the goings-on in the holy, catholic, and apostolic Church of Cyprus. The latest example? The Archbishop's apparent shock at the extreme views (borderline Christian Taliban) expressed by the current Bishop of Paphos—his former right-hand man. “Lord, set a guard over my mouth,” as the psalmist says.
So, for years, he treated him like a spiritual protégé but only now realizes that Tychikos (and the name is no coincidence) could rival even the Bishop of Morphou in eccentricity? Did he suddenly 'fall from the clouds', like the Bishop of Tamasos when he discovered the scandal surrounding the monks of Avvakoum Monastery—monks he himself had selected and promoted? Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he have asked?
Honestly, Tychikos, it’s a miracle we’re still here. We’ve got infinitely more pressing survival issues—like analyzing Christodoulides’ eight-point plan and figuring out how to pay off APOEL’s debt.
In the places these Avakoum monks previously resided, their behavior was common knowledge. The same goes for Tychikos' radical views. At the very least, dear Fathers, spare us the pretense of ignorance. If there were an 11th commandment, it might read, “Thou shalt not insult thy neighbor’s intelligence.”
The Archbishop’s alarm at Tychikos’ extreme stances should concern us all, especially since moderation isn’t exactly the Archbishop’s hallmark. That alone tells you how far Tychikos has gone. We’re at the point where all we can say is, “May God intervene”—perhaps with a few divine slaps, too.
One rumored point of contention between the two clerics is Tychikos' refusal to allow the relic of Saint Paul’s skull to be brought from the Vatican to Cyprus for veneration. He considers the Catholic Church heretical and wants no contact with its clergy, despite the ongoing dialogue between the two Churches aimed at improving relations and addressing shared challenges.
But I ask: Did anyone consult Saint Paul’s skull on whether it wants to visit Paphos? I doubt the Apostle of the Gentiles has forgotten the “forty lashes minus one" he received from the Paphian locals back in the day. That’s what prompted his infamous declaration: “A man from Paphos is not to be trusted.” Fortunately, Nikos Christodoulides and Averof Neofytou stand as exceptions—kind and virtuous Paphites. Thank God.
The Archbishop reportedly fears that Tychikos' views might drag us back to the Middle Ages. Well, Your Beatitude, if only Tychikos were the only one pulling us backward. Take a closer look at the Archbishopric, and you’ll likely find other colorful characters striving to take us back to 1054—the era of the Great Schism and its accompanying fanaticism.
Peace be with you at last, brethren, in Christ. For I worry about what could come next on this martyred island of saints. Will the Iconoclasts and Iconophiles start clashing again? Honestly, Tychikos, it’s a miracle we’re still here. Show some mercy. We’ve got infinitely more pressing survival issues—like analyzing Christodoulides’ eight-point plan and figuring out how to pay off APOEL’s debt. Have pity.
Let’s end with today’s quiz: What do the Ecumenical Patriarch, the Russian Church, Mount Athos, and the war in Ukraine have to do with sidelining Tamasos or a potential demotion for Tychikos? At first glance, these issues seem entirely unrelated. But trust me, there’s a deep connection. The Holy Spirit will reveal it in the form of a dove. Blessings.
