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12° Nicosia,
11 December, 2024
 
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NATO, foxes, and airbags: Cyprus' political circus rolls on

Christodoulides aims for NATO, while the rest of us try to figure out who’s driving this wild ride.

Onasagoras

Onasagoras

Christodoulides is trying to get us into NATO, Mitsotakis is working behind the scenes to help us, AKEL is having a meltdown, Turkey is telling us to forget about it, and the Fox from Argaka (Averof Neofytou) is shouting that the idea was his.

However, we can understand your concerns, comrades from the newly renovated former red and now fuchsia Party, but don’t forget, we don’t have many options left. We even applied to join the Warsaw Pact, but we were informed (via fax, for fax’s sake) that it’s been closed since the end of the last century. As for the Non-Aligned moverment, it’s as alive as Makarios.  So, NATO it is. Let’s put the idea out there from the beginning, let it gain strength, and move forward with confidence, unless it doesn't.

Of course, Eleni – the one we all adore – Theoharous appeared at the Traditional Night event, where she stated that if she were appointed Minister of Defense, she would turn it into the Ministry of Offense (!!!), and the next day she posted on X (in uppercase, please) that she won’t accept NATO membership without a referendum. So, unexpectedly, she found an ally on the right side in AKEL. Interesting.

“What can’t be solved, gets cut,” said the great Alexander. Simply put, Mr. Damianou, make sure that in the future, no one can blackmail you again, thinks the not-so-great but common-sense-loving Onasagoras. With new legislation, if necessary, because I fear that with any less drastic solution, we’ll keep running into these disgraceful issues. It’s shameful.  A little respect for the sick, at the very least.  When, in less than 3 years, you’ve tripled your salary, now averaging 150,000 a year in Cyprus in 2024, there’s no excuse for asking for additional incentives and bonuses to do your job, which, by the way, is not exactly a job but a “calling.” Shame on you, Argives.

Turkish Cypriot property worth 4 million is being rented for 30 euros, says the Minister of the Interior. And that, of course, is the tip of the iceberg; what doesn’t make the headlines is far worse. Meanwhile – according to Tassos – those who wanted a solution had been bribed (!!!), but some were not pleased with the non-solution and the looting of Turkish Cypriot properties. May the Lord protect my tongue.

Let me explain how the relevant departments handled the airbags, TAKATA-style, a friend of mine, an engineer, said. I nodded and waited eagerly. He said, “Replace the first two letters with an 'S' and read it again.” He shook his head in despair. Oh shit.

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