Onasagoras
I read a headline claiming the Limassol wildfire saga is officially closed. The culprits? Two pristine cigarette butts, not even a scorch mark on them, are now expected to take full responsibility and apologize. Meanwhile, pro-government trolls are celebrating “arson,” a laughably tragic argument to cover up the staggering irresponsibility and chaotic, near-nonexistent coordination.
So that’s why the Americans were called in? To blame cigarette butts while ignoring the bigger picture? Aren’t they going to explain how a fire that “could have been put out with two buckets of water,” according to the village chief, nearly burned half of Cyprus? Maybe all the sausage pies we fed the investigators were too many.
ATF, come on, someone has to say WTF! The cigarette butts, and the matches that lit them, are apparently expected to submit resignations as well. Eternal memory to all the serious accusations about foreign arsonists; clearly, the real culprits here are homegrown.
In a bizarre twist, the police plan to send the cigarette butts for forensic testing. Something tells me they’ll find Averof Neophytou’s DNA on them, and he’ll be accused of arson and trying to destabilize the Christodoulides government. Everyone lived happily ever after, except those who actually burned, and we’re fine.
Meanwhile, the woman who leaked details about the police officer threatening her with “exposing her dirty laundry” could be prosecuted. Yes, the victim can be prosecuted, but not the perpetrator, who, conveniently, is in the president’s family circle and may return to the police, possibly with a bonus for “extra effort” against dissenters. Absolute madness.
Personally, I’m starting to sympathize with young Nikos. The wildfires scorched his public image, and now family members are creating new headaches out of thin air. First, a national cousin who contradicted the President in front of foreigners, making him look like a liar. Now, a cousin from the Security Service is adding to the chaos. Nikos, when you have relatives like this, who needs enemies?
*This op-ed was translated from its Greek original
