Crystal balls, barbed wire, and other Cypriot delights

Christodoulides insists that we’ll soon have “some developments on the Cyprus issue.” Watch out—when we least expect it, there might just be some progress, and the President will be hailed as a visionary, maybe even earning the title of a posthumous prophet. Because, let’s face it, eventually there will be 'some' development, even if it’s just a candlelit dinner. Dessert or no dessert—who needs baklava anyway?

Republican Turkish Party leader Tufan Erhürman, however, isn’t holding his breath. He’s already said he doesn’t have high expectations for the informal dinner between Christodoulides and Tatar in New York. Sounds like they might be getting taken to a cheap restaurant—probably a Turkish kebab house—to save on costs. Let’s see.

Whispers are going around that our very own lifer—not the one from the Arkas comic, but our "local" one, the 'Hairdresser'—was being let out of prison for little breaks even before he hit the ten-year mark, as per regulations. A little birdie told me that someone high up pulled a few strings to make sure this exception was made. In other words, a bit of good old Cypriot 'favoritism' in action. Cyprus, you’ve turned even your prisons into a mini version of yourself.

Our national prince is NOT happy with the behavior of our national populist (populist being someone who loves LIKES). The next few months of them coexisting in the same party are going to be rocky. As for Nikolas, it’s clear he’s not quite ready for the Great Exit just yet.

And now the infamous barbed-wire fence in the Buffer Zone—known fondly as 'Nouris’ wire'—is being taken down. No, it’s not quite the Great Wall of China, and I doubt it’s visible from space, but it’s still a classic example of wasteful spending: we paid to put it up, and now we’re paying to take it down. But hey, money grows on trees, right? Or... maybe not.

A former minister from Singapore is facing trial for accepting gifts like Formula 1 tickets, a bicycle, and a private jet trip during his time in office. That private jet bit rings a bell—what does it remind me of? Ah well, good thing we’re not Singapore.

The former monks of the Avvakoum Monastery are reportedly planning to write a book titled "Church, State, Mafia." I have no doubt they’ll find plenty of crooks to fill its pages—and they won’t have to look far. Especially if there are mirrors around.

After successfully delivering Nicosia’s outer ring road and the GSP stadium renovation on time and within budget, our national contractor has now taken on phase two of Tseri Avenue—after NOT delivering phase one. Here’s to better luck this time.

DISY MP Fotini Tsiridou recently said that Cyprus's police force needs support and modernization from the ground up. I’m not so sure. I’ve been watching Mr. Loizides on TV every day, and from what I can gather, all our police force really needs is more overtime. Once that’s sorted, everything will fall into place.

Christoforos Tornaritis called Fidias “a spoiled and ungrateful little kid,” to which Fidias replied with his slogan, “Only love.” Sadly, the philosophical former mentor doesn’t seem willing to forgive the young YouTuber, especially since Feidias brought... a sausage into the mix. Their rift now seems bigger than the one between Averof and Christodoulides—basically, irreparable. Not exactly a fairytale ending for this love story.

[This op-ed was translated from its Greek original]