The week’s wildest stories: From bird droppings to book launches

One of the most absurd stories of the week was how the infamous car with the unfortunate Pakistani man had bird droppings that the Police mistook for bullet holes. The fact that so many people believed it, forcing the Police to deny it, shows that our problem is bigger than we thought. Seriously, I thought the little critter adorning the Cyprus Republic’s seal, would drop its own—real, not fake—dropping.

There’s also the opinion (I saw it in two Facebook posts) that by supporting the Police—even in its missteps—we are ultimately supporting society in the long run. A respectable view, indeed. However, I’ll counter that blind support doesn’t bring improvements, only well-meaning and thorough criticism does. Let’s not forget that Christodoulides proudly declares that he welcomes criticism. He’s said it so many times, in fact, that even he believes it now.

A war between Trump and Biden over who should take credit for the ceasefire in Gaza. It reminded us of Anastasiades’ snide remarks about who should take credit for the projects where our young Nicos was cutting ribbons. Of course, no one wanted to take responsibility for the big projects that collapsed—those we paid for but will never see.

The gossipers won’t let us have a moment of peace. They say now that the President encouraged journalists to ask him about APOEL, giving him the chance to unload on the Minister and pacify the young journalists from the announcement of the Orange supporters. Oh, how evil those gossipers are. I’ll cut them off one day.

The President has been told that four clubs with immediate financial obligations to the state will approach him if no other solution is found. Our young Nicos won’t have many options: either he’ll hand over his salary to pay them off, or he’ll receive more announcements threatening that he won’t see a second term. Between a rock and a hard place.

Now that we’ve become friends with the US, should we ask for permission to print our own dollars to solve every problem? And why not print as many millions as we want? We’ve got paper.

Zuckerberg finally succumbed to the pressure from Elon Musk and the new Trump government, abolishing the news fact-checking filters, stating doubts about the effectiveness of the system and his exhaustion from the legal and other problems it caused. The supporters of absolute freedom of speech and, of course, the fans of fake news are celebrating. Social media was full of fake news anyway, and now it’s going to go wild.

In the past few weeks, we saw Koulia and Stefanos Stefanou at the Traditional Night (at one point, he got into the spirit and did his own dance), and last night, the guest was Averof Neofytou. I suggest that, in the next show, they bring Philippa, or at least the buddies Nikaros (Anastasiades) and Psinakis.

Nikaros could even promote his book "The Slanderer," which is currently at the printers and will be released in the coming weeks. And I wonder: will Christodoulides be the keynote speaker at the book launch? Besides being an expert in inaugurations and presentations, who better than the man who read five thousand books? That number is bigger than Spaliaras’ four thousand! Another Paphite. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

*This article was translated from its Greek original